When children seek the negative and what to do about it.

In the movie, Here Comes Waves Bing Crosby sang a song that rings true for this mornings blog post. You have to "Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive" and to eliminitae the negative, latch on to the affirmative, and don't mess with Mister In Between. Shine the light on what you want to grow and attempt to ignore consistent negative attention-seeking behaviors.

Negative attention-seeking behaviors are actions or behaviors that children can manifest in various ways. These behaviors are typically attempts to gain attention from caregivers or peers but can be disruptive, harmful, or detrimental to the child's well-being or social relationships. Here are some examples of negative attention-seeking behaviors in children:

1. Tantrums: Young children may throw tantrums, which can include screaming, crying, and physical outbursts, when they do not get their way or want immediate attention.

2. Whining: Persistent and exaggerated whining, often accompanied by complaining or demands, can be a way for children to seek attention or to get what they want.

3. Defiance: Children may engage in defiant behavior, such as refusing to follow rules or instructions, to challenge authority figures and gain attention.

4. Interrupting: Continuously interrupting conversations or activities can be a way for a child to redirect attention to themselves, even if it means disrupting others.

5. Attention-Seeking Lies: Children may tell lies or make up stories to create drama or capture the attention of others, often in an attempt to portray themselves as victims or heroes.

6. Excessive Clinging: Some children may become excessively clingy, seeking constant physical contact or reassurance from caregivers to ensure they remain the center of attention.

7. Playing the Victim: Children may exaggerate minor injuries or incidents to cast themselves as victims, hoping to elicit sympathy and attention from adults or peers.

8. Exaggerated Helplessness: Pretending to be unable to perform tasks they are capable of or feigning incompetence to get adults to do things for them.

9. Sibling Rivalry: Engaging in conflicts or arguments with siblings solely for the purpose of getting parents or caregivers involved and taking sides.

10. Attention-Seeking Behavior in School: In a classroom setting, children may disrupt lessons, act out, or misbehave to gain attention from teachers or classmates.

11. Peer Conflict: Some children may initiate conflicts or teasing with peers to draw attention to themselves or create drama within their social group.

Negative attention-seeking behaviors in young children can be concerning and challenging for parents and caregivers. Some common examples of these behaviors include temper tantrums, non-compliant behavior, lying, and acting out in an aggressive manner. These behaviors are often used by children as a means of seeking attention, even if it is negative.

It's important to understand that these behaviors are not intentional and are usually a result of underlying emotional or developmental needs. Children may engage in negative attention-seeking behaviors when they feel insecure, frustrated, or overwhelmed, and are unable to express their feelings in an appropriate manner.

To address these behaviors, it is important to provide a supportive and understanding environment for the child. This may involve actively listening to the child, helping them to identify and express their feelings, and providing positive reinforcement for appropriate behaviors. It's also important to set clear and consistent boundaries, and to avoid reinforcing negative behavior through attention or rewards. If a child's behavior is causing significant distress or disruption, seeking the advice of a mental health professional may be beneficial.

There are several reasons why children may seek negative attention from their parents. Some of the common reasons include:

1. Lack of positive attention: Children who do not receive enough positive attention from their parents or caregivers may seek negative attention as a means of getting any kind of attention.

2. Insecurity: Children who lack self-confidence or feel insecure may engage in negative attention-seeking behaviors in an effort to feel more secure.

3. Unmet emotional needs: Children may engage in negative attention-seeking behaviors when their emotional needs, such as love, support, and understanding, are not being met.

4. Attention seeking as a means of coping: Children may engage in negative attention-seeking behaviors as a means of coping with stress, anxiety, or other emotional challenges.

5. Immaturity: Children may not yet have developed the skills to express their feelings and needs in a positive manner, leading them to engage in negative attention-seeking behaviors.

Aggression such as throwing objects and hitting can be dangerous and upsetting behaviors for a child to engage in, especially when directed toward their parents and peers. While that is happening, here are some tips for managing this behavior:

1. Stay calm: When a child is throwing things or hitting, it's important to remain calm and not react with anger or frustration. This will help de-escalate the situation and prevent it from getting worse.

2. Address the behavior: Let your child know that throwing objects and hitting are not acceptable behaviors. Be firm and consistent in your response to this behavior, and follow through with consequences that have been previously established.

3. Create a safe environment: Ensure that your child is in a safe and secure environment, and remove any objects that could be used as weapons or cause harm.

4. Validate your child's feelings: Acknowledge your child's feelings and let them know that you understand that they are upset. This can help your child feel heard and validated, which may reduce the intensity of their behavior.

5. Teach alternative ways to express emotions: Teach your child alternative ways to express their emotions, such as using words to describe how they feel or using a stuffed animal to act out their frustrations. Offer support and encouragement as they learn these new skills.

6. Seek professional help: If your child's throwing and hitting behavior is causing significant distress or disruption, consider seeking the advice of a mental health professional. They can help you develop a customized plan for addressing your child's behavior and promoting positive change.

Control, it's normal for children to want things their way. It's important for them to learn to deal with disappointment and frustration in a healthy way rather than patterns that lead to guilt and apologies later. Here are some tips for managing this behavior:

1. Validate feelings: Let your child know that it's okay to feel upset or frustrated when they don't get their way. Acknowledge their feelings and offer comfort and support.

2. Teach problem-solving skills: Help your child find alternative solutions to their problem or identify other things they can do instead. Encourage them to think creatively and look for win-win solutions.

3. Set limits: Explain to your child that not getting their way is a normal part of life, and that it's important to respect others' decisions and boundaries. Set clear limits and consequences for unacceptable behavior.

4. Use positive reinforcement: Praise your child for their efforts to manage their emotions and work through disappointment. Reward positive behaviors and offer encouragement.

5. Lead by example: Model healthy ways of dealing with disappointment and frustration, and show your child how to regulate their emotions in a positive way.

6. Seek professional help: If your child's inability to manage disappointment and frustration is causing significant distress or disruption, consider seeking the advice of a mental health professional. They can help you develop a customized plan for promoting positive change.

Remember to be patient and persistent in your efforts to help your child manage disappointment and frustration, and to seek support from others when needed. With consistent interventions, your child can learn healthy ways of coping and build resilience for the future. It's important to remember that children engage in negative attention-seeking behaviors for reasons that are not necessarily their fault. As a parent or caregiver, it is important to provide a supportive and understanding environment that addresses the underlying needs and emotions that may be driving these behaviors.