8 ways to increase compliant behaviors with children.

Getting your children to listen can be exhausting and frustrating. Whether its having to repeat yourself over and over again, feeling yourself become more frustrated and angry or sad and disappointed, or feeling stuck in a negative pattern of interaction with your children, leaving little room for more times of quality connection. Since working with parents for 10 years and completing multiple evidenced based trainings, I have found these 8 ways to be most supportive in increasing compliant behaviors in your children.

1. Get child's attention.

Before giving any sort of direction to your child, make sure to get their full attention. Step away from what you are doing and get down on their eye-level. Make sure you get eye contact and maybe have physical contact (hand on their shoulder or on back). Be sure to pay attention to your child's body language (we're not wanting to escalate behaviors). If they become rigid, remain in line of sight and provide reassuring statements with validation and understanding.

2. Make a statement not a question, say what "to do".

Providing statements on what "to do" set's children up for success with completion on the directions you have given. A child may not know what you're expecting of them unless you initially tell them directly and specifically. Utilizing questions and choices when giving directions to children, they will (more often than not) pick the choice that best serves them at the time. For example: rather than "Can you bring me your backpack?" try "Bring me your lunchbox from your backpack now please."

3. Give your child enough time to respond.

Taking your time and growing patience will require the space to do so. Your child may need support with self starting and cooperation means getting started within 10 seconds. Once you state an effective direction, take that time to regulate yourself and providing yourself and kiddo some reassuring statements and validate struggles with transitions. After 10 seconds, repeat the effective direction a second (and only) time while repeating that 10 second waiting game. If directions are not followed, go into your established limit setting strategies.

4. Clear, short, simple statements. One at a time.

Saying more than necessary will more likely confuse your child rather than provide guidance. Rather than "Hey kiddo, can you go grab your shoes and make sure to put your socks on first then your shoes. After you're done, go grab your back pack and get your water bottle", try "Kiddo, put your shoes on now please."

5. Pay attention to timing.

Make sure to give those directions at reasonable times. If kiddo is watching a show, maybe wait until the show is over and provide a timeline: "When the show is over, turn off the television." If they don't comply you can say "Turn off the tv now please" then go into a limit setting sequence if forms of compliance is not observed after that time.

6. Stay calm, respectful, and firm.

It is important to be aware of your own emotions and remain regulated when engaging with an explosive or noncompliant child. Attempt to becoming the non-anxious presence in a chaotic environment. If we struggle with our own regulation, this would be a good time to tag in another social support or protective factors.

7. Act like you expect cooperation.

Well... we do don't we?! We want our kiddos to take us seriously!

8. Follow through, no arguing.

All-in-all, be sure to hold your position until your kiddo shows signs of compliance or body softening to be more logic-led than emotion-led. No discussion, "if" "and", or "but" about it!

Remember, proximity may vary by child. Some children who are agitated may need "space" and the parent will need to remain in line of sight and follow through with limit setting strategies. If you need to remove kiddo from the triggering environment, do so. Be sure to redirect and re-engage the positive parenting strategy when kiddo is more regulated and less emotionally reactive.

If you're needing more support and guidance in how to increase compliant behaviors in your children? Contact me for a session and let me be a part of your village!