Types of Parenting Styles and How to take a More Positive Approach with your children!

Was it just me or was understanding your parenting style something you've also always wondered as a parent? I've had many conversations with parents in my office about their curiosity on which different types they utilized in their family. As much as I would like to say that my spouse and I are similar in our types, however, we can accept each other's influences on certain situations and it can be inconsistent at times, causing more confusion on how to handle our children's behaviors.

Where do these styles come from? We all parent a certain way, mostly dependent on what was modeled to us as children and what we witnessed growing up. Parenting styles are the types of approaches and behaviors parents adopt in their growing interactions with their children. The concept of parenting styles was first introduced by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s, and has since become a widely recognized framework for understanding and improving parenting practices. Have you read about these before?

There are four main parenting styles, which are distinguished based on two aspects: responsiveness and demandingness. Responsiveness refers to how warm, supportive, and accepting parents are of their children, while demandingness refers to the level of control, structure, and expectations that parents set for their children. Having a balance in both can be ideal, not all families are able to maintain a 50/50 ratio and will often lean more towards being more responsive or being more demnading. The four main parenting styles are Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive, and Uninvolved. Which one would say best describes your approach?

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parents are highly controlling, impose strict rules and expectations, and expect obedience from their children. While this style can foster discipline and a strong work ethic, it can also lead to feelings of rejection and low self-esteem in children.

Authoritarian parenting can have some benefits for children, including:

1. Discipline and structure: Children who are raised under authoritarian parenting styles often have clear and consistent rules and expectations, which can help them develop a sense of structure and discipline. This can lead to children becoming responsible, respectful, and well-behaved individuals.

2. Strong work ethic: Authoritarian parents often emphasize the importance of hard work and discipline, which can instill in children a strong work ethic and a drive to succeed.

3. Respect for authority: Children who are raised under authoritarian parenting may develop a strong sense of respect for authority, which can help them in their future relationships with authority figures such as teachers, bosses, and the police.

4. High academic achievement: Children who are raised under authoritarian parenting may be more likely to achieve academic success, as they are often expected to prioritize their studies and are held to high academic standards.

Although authoritarian parenting can have some benefits, it can also have negative effects on children. For example, children who are raised under a caregiver with an authoritarian parenting may struggle with low self-esteem, poor emotional regulation, and a lack of independence, as they may have experiences where they felt that their opinions and feelings are not valued or respected. It's also important to find a balance between setting high expectations and providing warmth, support, and emotional engagement, in order to help children thrive and reach their full potential.

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Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parents set clear rules and expectations, but also provide warmth, support, and emotional engagement. This style is associated with the best outcomes for children, including high self-esteem, independence, and academic achievement.

Authoritative parenting can have numerous benefits for children, including:

1. Higher self-esteem: Children raised under authoritative parenting are often encouraged to express their opinions and feelings, and their parents respond with support and validation. This can help children develop a strong sense of self-esteem and self-worth.

2. Emotional regulation: Authoritative parents provide children with the tools and support they need to regulate their emotions and manage stress. This can help children develop resilience and coping skills that will serve them well throughout their lives.

3. Independence: Authoritative parenting promotes independence by encouraging children to make decisions and solve problems on their own. This can help children develop the critical thinking and problem-solving skills they will need as they grow older.

4. Better social skills: Children raised under authoritative parenting are often taught to respect others and consider their feelings. This can help them develop strong social skills and positive relationships with others.

5. Higher academic achievement: Children raised under authoritative parenting tend to have a positive attitude towards learning and are more likely to perform well academically. They are encouraged to set goals, work hard, and take responsibility for their own success.

6. Better behavioral outcomes: Children raised under authoritative parenting are more likely to exhibit prosocial behaviors and less likely to engage in destructive or delinquent behaviors.

It's important to note that while authoritative parenting can have numerous benefits for children, it can also be challenging for parents. Maintaining a balance between being demanding and supportive, setting clear boundaries and being flexible, and promoting independence while also providing guidance, can be a delicate balance. However, with effort and consistency, authoritative parenting can be a highly effective and rewarding way to raise children.

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Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents are nurturing and supportive, but set few rules and exert little control. Children of permissive parents may struggle with self-discipline and impulse control.

Permissive parenting can have both positive and negative effects on children. Some potential benefits of permissive parenting include:

1. Warm and supportive relationship: Permissive parents are often warm and supportive, providing children with a sense of security and comfort. This can help children develop strong emotional bonds with their parents.

2. Low levels of stress: Children raised under permissive parenting often experience low levels of stress, as they are given few rules and guidelines to follow. This can allow children to feel more relaxed and free to explore the world around them.

3. Encouragement of creativity and independence: Permissive parents often encourage their children to be creative and independent, allowing them to explore their interests and develop their own unique personalities.

However, there are also several potential negative effects of permissive parenting, those include:

1. Lack of boundaries: Children raised under permissive parenting may have difficulty understanding and following rules and boundaries, as they are not used to having clear expectations set for them.

2. Poor problem-solving skills: Children raised under permissive parenting may have difficulty solving problems and making decisions, as they have not been taught to do so by their parents.

3. Poor impulse control: Children raised under permissive parenting may have trouble controlling their impulses and making good decisions, as they are not used to being held accountable for their actions.

4. Low self-esteem: Children raised under permissive parenting may develop low self-esteem, as they have not been taught to take responsibility for their actions and are not held accountable for their behavior.

Permissive parenting can provide children with a warm and supportive environment, it can also lead to a lack of boundaries, poor problem-solving skills, and low self-esteem. It is important for parents to find a balance between being supportive and setting clear expectations for their children. Be sure to identify with your spouse what those expectations are and attempt to remain consistent 70% of the time.

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Uninvolved Parenting

Uninvolved parents may provide basic necessities, but are emotionally distant and provide little guidance or structure. Children of uninvolved parents may have difficulty forming healthy relationships and experience low self-esteem and behavioral problems.

The uninvolved parenting style can have many negative impacts on children, including:

1. Lack of emotional support: Children raised under uninvolved parenting may feel neglected and lack emotional support from their parents. This can have a negative impact on their self-esteem and emotional well-being.

2. Difficulty with attachment: Children raised under uninvolved parenting may have difficulty forming attachments with others, as they have not had the opportunity to develop close relationships with their parents.

3. Poor social skills: Children raised under uninvolved parenting may have difficulty developing social skills, as they have not been taught how to interact with others in a positive and appropriate way.

4. Difficulty regulating emotions: Children raised under uninvolved parenting may have difficulty regulating their emotions and managing stress, as they have not had the support and guidance they need to do so.

5. Risky behaviors: Children raised under uninvolved parenting may be more likely to engage in risky behaviors, as they have not been taught to make safe and responsible decisions.

6. Low academic achievement: Children raised under uninvolved parenting may have lower academic achievement, as they have not been provided with the support and guidance they need to succeed in school.

Uninvolved parenting can have long-lasting effects on children, and it is crucial for parents to provide their children with the support and guidance they need to develop into healthy and well-adjusted adults. If you are an uninvolved parent, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or parenting expert who can help you develop the skills and strategies you need to become a more involved and supportive parent.

It's important to note that parenting styles can vary depending on a number of factors, including cultural background, individual personality, and life circumstances. Additionally, parenting styles can change and evolve over time, as parents adapt to the changing needs of their children.

The impact of parenting styles on children can vary, and different styles can be associated with different outcomes. For example, research has shown that authoritative parenting is associated with positive outcomes such as high self-esteem, independence, and academic achievement, while permissive parenting can lead to issues with self-discipline and impulse control. However, it's also important to consider that children are unique individuals with their own strengths, weaknesses, and life experiences, and that the impact of parenting styles can be complex and nuanced.

Parenting styles is a useful tool for understanding and improving parenting practices, but it's important to recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Every child is unique, and every family is different, and parents should strive to find the approach that works best for their individual situation. It's also important to be flexible and open-minded, and to be willing to make adjustments as needed to ensure that the needs of both parent and child are met. By being responsive, demanding, and supportive, parents can help their children develop the skills, confidence, and resilience they need to thrive.

So, after finding out what type you are, now what? What would be the more ideal way to increase compliant behaviors and grow a healthy relationship with your children?

Utilization of positive parenting techniques can be effective for parents of noncompliant children and can help build a stronger relationship between parents and children. Start with increasing your use of positive reinforcement! This can help children feel valued and encouraged. Having clear and consistent rules to help children understand what is expected of them can also go a long way. What would be some rules that you established in your home?

Attempt active listening skills and try to understand their perspectives, show empathy and understanding towards children, even when they are not compliant. Encourage children to problem-solve with you when conflicts arise as this can help them learn to think critically and make positive choices. Each day, attempt to encourage and praise children for their efforts and accomplishments can help boost their self-esteem and motivation. This can be done by creating an encouragement strategy, such as a sticker chart for positive behaviors.

Pay attention to what your children are watching any try to limit screen time. This can reduce distractions and increase focus and attention while minimizing any of those negative influences. Going outside for a walk or playing at the park is a great way to have some quality time with your family. Bike rides and other forms of physical activity can help improve behavior and reduce stress and anxiety. There are times that I forget how important play is for children. Having my kiddos run around outside can relieve some much needed pent up energy before the end of the day!

Make sure to remember that you are leading by example and demonstrate positive behavior and communication techniques! Your children are young and they are still learning and growing, and that positive parenting techniques may not always produce immediate results. However, over time, consistent use of positive parenting techniques can help improve behavior and build stronger relationships with your young children. It may take time, however, you can do it! I believe in you!