7 DON'Ts when using an Encouragement Strategy. Do you fall into these common traps?

As previously posted, there are helpful skills to remember when providing praise to your children. This morning's blog post is to provide a list of some common traps that parents can fall into while they are using their identified encouragement strategy. It is best to use these behaviors less often and if you attempt to avoid using them in your day to day interactions it could lead to improving and strengthen the relationship with your children! Encouragement strategies can be weakened if they are not executed effectively or if other factors are present that counteract the intended effects. Take a look and see which ones you may commonly use.

Here are some ways that can weaken an encouragement strategy with children:

1. Inconsistency: If encouragement is not given consistently, it may lose its effectiveness. Children need to know what to expect and need to experience the positive effects of encouragement regularly. Try to stick to what you have outlined with your children and recognize when they choose to use compliant behaviors.

2. Overuse: Overusing praise or rewards can lead to children becoming immune to the positive effects. Children need a mix of positive reinforcement, negative consequences, and natural consequences to learn effectively. Avoid monotony and don't use same incentives over and over. Too much of a good thing can lose its value. Change the system to keep it fun and interesting!

3. Inadequate or irrelevant rewards: Rewards that are not meaningful to children or do not align with their interests and motivations will not be effective in promoting positive behavior. That being said, try not to go overboard with incentives. If you gave your kiddo 15 minutes of outside time, be sure to stick to the new time frame.

4. Lack of specificity: Vague or general praise can be less impactful than specific and targeted praise that acknowledges specific behaviors or achievements. Be sure that the praise highlights the skill that your children are attempting to build. "That was fun! We finished and you did not give up on the game. It was fun playing with you!" or "I see that you cleaned your room and put your books on the shelf where they are out of the way, not to get damaged. Thank you for being responsible of your things."

5. Invalidation: If a child feels that their efforts or accomplishments are not valued or validated, they may become discouraged and their motivation to improve may decrease. Don't add a "but" after you praise your child. For example: "Thanks for starting your homework on time. I don't know why you can't do that every night."

6. Punishment or criticism: If punishment or criticism is used in conjunction with encouragement, the negative consequences can counteract the positive effects of the encouragement. Once your child earns a token or prize, they cannot be taken away once they are earned.

7. Unclear expectations: Children need to understand what is expected of them in order to respond to encouragement effectively. If expectations are unclear or unrealistic, children may feel discouraged and lose motivation.Don't give bribes. Follow a "when/then" principle. "When you finish your homework, then you get more time on the electronic". Ignore begging and whining that may follow. Wait for compliance for effective direction provided. Don't use overly complicated directions. Keep them do-able and fun!

Which ones do you catch yourself doing from time to time? Are there any that you would add to the list?

It is important to use encouragement strategies effectively and consistently, in conjunction with other positive parenting techniques, to maximize their impact. If a child continues to struggle, it may be beneficial to seek the help of a mental health professional for guidance and support. Try not to become too discouraged when you have missed opportunities to utilize these skills. It takes effort and intention, the proper environment, and ones own emotion regulation in stress to be successful 70% of the time. Give yourself grace for the 30% that doesn't go as planned. Remember: progress, not perfection and consistency is key. You go this!